My take on Transformers

Do I agree with Armen? Sure, there are too many damn humans and not enough robot violence. Is there cheese? Oh yes, there is so much cheese I wish I brought Tostitos. Does that make this a bad movie? Not really.

It’s Michael Bay. Honestly, I expected much worse. The movie does exactly what it is suppose to do. Put butts in seats and keep them entertained. At no point in the movie was I bored or uninterested. It’s better than Bad Boys (either), Armageddon, or any other piece of crap this guy has shit out. A lot better. Honestly it’s the coolest summer movie I’ve seen yet (other than Knocked Up). It kicks the shit out of Pirates, and, sadly I have yet to see Spider-Man III. So, right now I’m a satisfied man.

Are there plot holes? Oh yes, there are more holes than a highway in Michigan. But the acting isn’t half bad. Shia LeBouf is great, and a pleasure to watch. Really, that’s the only actor in the film that matters. Well, other than Peter Cullen who returns to reprise his immortal role as Optimus (which he does well). There’s a few army guys, and there scenes are excellent action sequences, but we really don’t care about them all that much. Jon Voight collects a paycheck pretty well. There are a few terrible lines in the script, as well as wasted characters, or people that should have never been in the movie at all (sorry John Turturro but really what the hell were you doing here). But really, the script isn’t awful.

Could it have been smarter and cleverer? Sure, but that isn’t what people want. You don’t challenge someone with a summer movie. You make it for everyone, and honestly everyone isn’t very bright, as a whole. Very rarely do you please everyone all the time. Will a soccer mom, a 14 year old boy, a grandpa, and a 30 year old teacher be entertained? Yep. That’s really what counts in the end.

I thought it felt exactly like the cartoon. And that is a good thing. Funny, cheesy, and full of cool stuff blowing up. Armen complains there are not more robots killing each other in it. I agree. There in nothing I want in a summer movie more than massive robot violence (except killer dinosaurs, but they stopped making those movies a few years ago). If we would have had longer fight scenes the film would have probably cost 350 million dollars. That’s hard to convince a studio to do. I would imagine the conversation went like this:
“Guys, seriously, I just need 100 million for 15 more minutes of robot mayhem. Please? For a movie named Transformers, we need more transforming!”
“Sorry, we can’t give it to you. Why not film some crap about a government group in the Hoover dam?”
“Fine, but the next film is gonna have Unicron, and then you’ll be sorry.”

Overall, I approve. If you want excitement, good acting, lots of product placement, a really hot girl with a useless past subplot, break-dancing and peeing robots (although not at the same time that would have been much cooler than either scene), and well done action sequences that did the cartoon justice then see Transformers. Don’t expect perfection, or brains. But expect great looking robots and cool explosions. Right now, that’s enough to make me happy. Sure it could have been better, but it could have been a lot worse.