Movie Review: Fantastic Four: Rise of my Silver Boner


Last night I received two free passes to see the new Fantastic Four movie. Two points before digging into the meat and potatoes of the review.

1) The FF are by far the worst creation in comic history and only work when

a) They are being ridiculed (see the Venture Brothers)
b) They are being ripped off (see the Incredibles or don't...meh)

2) The first film was viewed by myself, Lattejesus, Iamkungfu, and burnsho a few weeks ago......while drunk. All that I remember from that was hearing a lot of "What's going on?", "Flame on?" and "how you doing? your glass empty, time for another" Yep, whiskey and ridicule helped move that one along.

Enter the Star Theater Southfield last night. Getting out of the car it was clear there were many people taking there children to this. Good, there crying will drown out our laughter. So through the doors only to see a small line formed. Latte and I begin discussing if we still want to do this and decided it's probably the comedy hit of the summer we've been waiting for. Ten minutes pass when a large theater worker comes up and quietly says "theaters full sorry everyone" Quickly all of the smiling faces turn to frowns the line becomes angry....

"What there's like 30 minutes till it starts, that's bullshit!!"

Of course, with these things we all know it's first come first serve which the usher tells everyone but the crowd is having none of that. Latte and I begin laughing at the situation and leave as we watch the crowd circle around the usher like a vulture on a dead rat corpse. It was later discovered by the kind fellow who gave us the pass that he was there around six when there was no line, went to grab a sub and came back to hear it was full. He knew that was bullshit and went to the front desk.

Guy:"How can it be full I've been here since six?"
Theater Hack: " uhh well ya see we actually didn't get a print of the film"
Guy:"What? Why didn't you just tell everyone that?"
Theater Hack: Some bullshit about worrying that people will bitch to the distributor blah blah blah....
Guy: " Well if your not going to tell them I will"
Theater Hack: " No please don't....just go sneak into any movie you want"

So, in short not only did the second FF movie suck but once again the Star Theater in Southfield proved once again why it's the worst theater that Michigan has to offer.

With that it was off to Captain Georges for ice cream which is an entire review itself.